I really salute your honesty, Martin, and this was really nicely told. I hope this doesn't come across as patronising, but I heard some good advice not too long ago, which was to try breaking down your personal identity into chunks (the writer, the chess-player, the foodie, etc.) and then see if you can find a community that caters to that.

On another note, a lot of my very close friends are women. I've often found that male friendship groups function a bit like distraction machines, and aren't rooted in anything real or meaningful. Christopher Hitchens, who was such a social butterfly, said one reason he left the UK was to escape the 'lad culture' from which he felt alienated. Sometimes, you've just got to put yourself in the right context and things evolve naturally. Thanks again!